There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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