My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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