why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize