They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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