i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
