Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
