that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
