am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
