Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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