I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
