I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
