u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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