You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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