im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
