shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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