You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
being pregnant is like rehab
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
