how can u be prego again
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
