I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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