Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I could make wine with my vomit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
