Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
