Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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