we're blogging at a bar
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
