It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
