Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
