So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
