One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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