I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
