I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
