the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
