I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
