I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
