Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
