i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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