she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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