Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
