I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just google imaged poop.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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