Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.