Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.