Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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  (202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk
  Replies (22) Good night (2776) Bad night (694)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!

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  (702): That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked! http://tfl.nu/4dq3
  Replies (53) Good night (748) Bad night (5409)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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  (704): I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better. http://tfl.nu/5ydt
  Replies (15) Good night (3108) Bad night (690)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

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  (740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o
  Replies (41) Good night (1175) Bad night (2817)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

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  (352): She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?" http://tfl.nu/uzh1
  Replies (16) Good night (1821) Bad night (4842)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

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  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
  Replies (14) Good night (3520) Bad night (1005)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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  (636): Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/6533
  Replies (17) Good night (761) Bad night (4243)
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  (619): View more from California

  By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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  (619): By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time. http://tfl.nu/je0g
  Replies (14) Good night (2454) Bad night (847)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?

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  (867): Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win? http://tfl.nu/oq5t
  Replies (16) Good night (1520) Bad night (581)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up

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  (570): Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up http://tfl.nu/9j2f
  Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (952)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1272) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

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  (740): I have a surprise for you guys (937): What is it? (740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS http://tfl.nu/bt31
  Replies (21) Good night (3905) Bad night (480)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.

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  (863): Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house. http://tfl.nu/4quh
  Replies (6) Good night (842) Bad night (339)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.

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  (203): Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down. http://tfl.nu/cgfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1444) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You went to a drug deal in a onesie.

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  (417): You went to a drug deal in a onesie. http://tfl.nu/7cu7
  Replies (0) Good night (29) Bad night (23)

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