Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her

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  (504): My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her http://tfl.nu/2ej3
  Replies (35) Good night (739) Bad night (3931)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point

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  (515): the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point http://tfl.nu/syrq
  Replies (10) Good night (6499) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

  (408): View more from California

  You've ruined television for me.

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  (408): The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it. (408): You've ruined television for me. http://tfl.nu/32ek
  Replies (4) Good night (2682) Bad night (1014)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  the wall and i were having dominance issues.

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  (614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm
  Replies (7) Good night (2744) Bad night (2061)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in

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  (414): got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in http://tfl.nu/o0j8
  Replies (5) Good night (1869) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick

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  (432): She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick http://tfl.nu/csbc
  Replies (10) Good night (1258) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

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  (860): He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/3zeb
  Replies (3) Good night (1336) Bad night (478)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.

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  (859): Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night. http://tfl.nu/d9pf
  Replies (4) Good night (854) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

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  (706): To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid. (1-706): You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man. (706): Touche. http://tfl.nu/xj0m
  Replies (4) Good night (1162) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.

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  (716): Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it. http://tfl.nu/e65n
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (919)
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  (805): View more from California

  We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l

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  (805): We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l http://tfl.nu/bdgq
  Replies (1) Good night (466) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.

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  (913): Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship. http://tfl.nu/0v8r
  Replies (3) Good night (312) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.

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  (774): Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home. http://tfl.nu/bdgc
  Replies (2) Good night (373) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.

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  (780): He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out. http://tfl.nu/cpib
  Replies (4) Good night (858) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that

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  (814): I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that http://tfl.nu/9sqv
  Replies (0) Good night (244) Bad night (180)

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