HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.