Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize