Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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