girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God, I missed his penis.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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