its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
