He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
