just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
