fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm always down for nudity.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
