I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
