I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
