I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
