He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
