I'm jealous of your bromance
You smell like a Billy Joel song
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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