I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
