i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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