so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my poor anus
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
