I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
