instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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