I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
