found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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