my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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