this beer tastes like vomit already
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
