What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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