Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
