You really coming over, don't trick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
