and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
