I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize