i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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