I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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