Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
