So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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