drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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