There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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