From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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