How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
