You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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