Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
